is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
