Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
