Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize