Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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