Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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