$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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