Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i think i just lost a toe
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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