There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
