great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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