stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Actions speak louder than pants.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
