oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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