i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
