You're my little dorito
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Shame is for Republicans.
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