I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
