I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
