We talked him into tasing himself.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize