Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
