It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
