Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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