my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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