he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
