Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
