Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
