There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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