I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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