We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
