At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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