she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
