2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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