dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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