do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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