That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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