Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
