Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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