Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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