I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
