I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
