Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
