I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
