i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
