Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
