I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
