She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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