her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
