Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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