I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
