We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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