***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize