Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
