i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
