He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
