i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
