Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
