I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
