I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
