Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
