Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
