my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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