office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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