Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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