well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
