Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
