did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
