I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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