I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
