Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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