If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
