bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
