someone threw a dead crab at me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
