We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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