the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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