Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
