you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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