Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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