god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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