Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
