dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Someone came in the potted fern
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
