Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
