right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
