If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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