these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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