Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we made out on top of his cat.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
