After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
