I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
