Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's paint friendship bongs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
