i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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