we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
