K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
