I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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