When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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