wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
