when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
