Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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