Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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