if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
