i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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