If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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